Once I found my true self I already put down all the mask that I’ve been wearing. All of those time when I compromise with being normal. All of those time when I hid my feelings and emotions. All of those time when I do everything for the sake of others.
Is everything become easier without my mask? Absolutely no. Being genuine mean you ready to be rejected by others. Ready to feel pain. Ready to experience all kind of emotions and take them as they are. All kind of feelings that not all good you need to deal with.
There’s a time when you want to ran away and hide and disapear … as a human being I still feel negative emotions and sometimes I did mistakes also, I said and did something not right and maybe make others feels hurt. I cannot take everything back … what’s done os done.
Should I wear my mask again and pretend that all ok when I feel not ok? Should I cover my eyes, ears and all sense? When I feel like I wanna be alone and spend time in my cave it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be reach and pull out.
I know that everything just illusion, I just need to keep remind my self I AM is not what I think, what I feel, what I do … all is ok they way it is. All is fine and beautiful… the good side of me, the evil side of me, the angel and the devil, Parvati and Kali, all is ok.
I forgive you dear self, I’m sorry for being too hard on you. Please forgive me to let you feel more and not remind you that there’s a feeling and emotions that came out. Sorry to let the feeling taking over you. Thank you for being so strong for all of this time … I LOVE YOU
So never wear the mask again, just be you no matter what.
You might have so many questions about why your life started to change. Why you felt all those emotions. Why you need to faced those troubles.
Do you realize that all that you’ve been through. All that happened in your life. All that pain that you felt. Is for you, yourself and your children. All those tears, sweats and blood … is to make sure that You mature enough to help them grow. Wise enough to answer all of their questions. Strong enough to protect and train them. Aware enough to realize their talent and help them shine bright.
Continue reading Dear sisters that giving birth to a warrior
This evening I spent time with someone that I spent time with recently. But this time our conversation made me exhausted. I was so drowned. I felt like everything I said was wrong and there’s a big thick wall between us. Then I tried to breathe and forgot about it. I tried to make my self relax. I closed my eyes, put my hand on my chest and breathe slowly. Then I stopped when I felt better. But then suddenly I cannot breathe. Like something blocked my nose. I closer my eyes again, put both hands on my chest, tried to breathe through my mouth then I kept saying to my self “you are loved” over and over and over. Suddenly I started to cry … Lauder and Lauder… I was not able to control it and I felt that I shouldn’t control it. So I just let it out. I flow with it. I cried as hard as I could till all of my body shaking. Continue reading I Was Wrong
If you want to lives in the Now, the present you have to release your past first. I want to share you how to release the past from my experience. The good or not good experience in the past is just the same if you stuck on them. If you still remember all what happen in the past with your emotion that’s mean you still attach to your past.
If you remember about good things in you past than you feel the happiness and you smile for a moment, it’s fine. as long as your mind not traveling to far. The problem is when you remember the bad things, thing that attach to your negative emotions. This past experience that usually makes you stuck and cannot move on. Why? you will keep remembering it as the thing that might happen again to you. Every time you remember it you will feel the anger, the sadness, the fear, the shame … all of the negative emotions. It became trauma, of people or places or thing that attached on the situation that made you experience the bad things. Continue reading Release The Past